Resisting Reality Makes Monsters Appear
Related: Fear attracts fear
by Neva J. Howell unless otherwise noted
Not a Master Yet; Don’t Claim to be
In the Spirit of full disclosure…..
Just because I’m a wellness counselor and spiritual healing facilitator (and adept in my ability to assist others) doesn’t mean I don’t lose it, take inappropriate actions and generally act like an unevolved fool. I do. I did yesterday. In fact, I pitched the biggest hissy fit you can imagine yesterday.
For those unfamiliar with the term, a hissy fit involves almost hysterical reactions, pacing, stomping, even foaming at the mouth is not unheard of… more on this later.
I guess I could justify it by explaining how much time I had already spent on the phone, tracking down a package from fed-ex and how frustrated I allowed myself to become over their voicemail system which repeatedly said “I’m sorry. I did not understand your request”, though I was using my very best diction and ennunciating very clearly.
Yeah, as those things go, I had valid reason to be upset when I finally got an email telling me that my package had indeed been delivered …. to my old address. Now, I had a choice at that moment in frustrated, linear time. I could see the blessing in that my old address was less than a mile from my new address …..
or I could focus on the fact that I was just getting over a head cold, it was pouring down rain and the package I would have to drive over and get at my old house weighed 55 pounds. There was no one to help me so I’d have to go get this very bulky heavy item myself or let it get wet and ruined. I had a choice and I focused on all the negatives I just mentioned. I focused on the reality that bothered me and ended up pitching what can only be called a hissy fit.
What’s a Hissy Fit?
If this is a new term to you, it is familiar from my southern roots and describes a person who gets all bent out of shape over nothing, to an irrational degree that cannot be controlled or modulated with reason.
That’s called “pitching a hissy fit” and I did the term justice.
The brutal truth (and I’ve always been brutally honest with myself once I see the truth) is that it wasn’t even that I was not feeling well, or that I didn’t want to get out in the rain, or that the bursitis in my elbow would make it painful for me to lift that heavy package and get it in my car.
It wasn’t really any of those facts that triggered my descent into mad-ness, as in angerville …
Expectation as a Hissy Fit Trigger:
I was mad because of expectation. Things were not like they “should” be. You order something and get fed-ex to ship it and it should arrive on time, at the right location.
I was resentful about reality not matching my expectations. Fed-Ex had not delivered, when they PROMISED to deliver.
This brings me back to my bursitis….if you read my other posts on this challenge, you will remember me talking about the spiritual significance of bursitis.
In my case, I tracked the core cause of my bursitis down to one basic trigger: resentment.
If I look at that situation again, in view of this latest challenge, I see that the core cause of my resentment in both cases, was reality not matching my expectations.
I tried to call federal express and personally apologize to both the customer representatives and the dispatch driver, on whose voicemail I left a venomous message. Both times, I got the “I’m sorry, I don’t understand you” message and then a busy signal.
This tells me that I’m not really apologizing for the right reason, or I’d have been able to get through. They don’t understand me……
Also, this tells me that I’m being insensitive to their needs, literally. This time, a few days before Christmas, has got to be the most difficult time for fed-ex employees to get through and I made it worse by not responding in a rational, calm way.
I send an energetic apology to all that I offended with my behavior but will not try to call again because I realize that is just to soothe my own conscience and would just add one more phone call to their already over-loaded lines.
OK, so spiritually speaking, my lessons right now are very much about resentment and expectation and not expressing my needs in a way that can be understood. Oh yes, and also, looking at selfish motives underneath apologetic tone.
Not much to work on, eh? Merry Christmas to me.