Can We Outrun Our Devils?

Trying to Outrun the Devil
Related article: Fighting Personal Demons







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by Neva J. Howell unless otherwise noted

The Futility of Fear and Dread Thinking

After purchasing my property, for the purpose of starting a retreat center for women, I learned that my next door neighbor was building three very large chicken houses, right across the road. I walked straight into the house on learning this and called my real estate agent.

Since that day, I have lived more or less in dread of the smell. I remembered chicken houses in the neighborhood in my youth and how nauseating the smell was and I dreaded having that next door. The smell did waft over a few times, when the wind was just right. However, over all, it was far less than I expected.

Still, when it came time to clean out the houses (after them having been full of chickens for 7 weeks), I was fairly frantic to find a place to be for a few days. Again, in dread, I planned and figured where I could go. Not being quite sure when they would clean them, I planned to leave on a Friday and stay with two different friends for about 10 days.

So, I loaded up and took off to spend a few nights in a rustic Retreat in the Woods. At that time, the space was Heartwood Sanctuary and I stayed in a tiny little cabin. They have a glamper type rv now. What an interesting experience. Interesting.

That night, the temperature dropped to 17 degrees, the coldest night of the winter so far, and I was truly miserable all night long. The cabin would have been fine at the temperature it was on any other night, before or after that night, but the night I was there, it was just brutally cold. The next day, I came back home because I didn’t feel I could handle the cabin another night. Ironically, the next night was quite mild. Anyway, as I came to my driveway, just ahead of me another vehicle turned in. I read the print on the side of the truck….

“Poultry house cleaning” or something to that effect.

And God said “HA!”. I had left and spent a truly miserable night attempting to avoid this moment and it was waiting for me, the very moment I returned home. I did not miss the synchronicity.

What I learned: The universe will support me. If I want to play out the vibrational truth of fear and dread, I will be fully supported in doing so. The more decisions I make based on fear and dread, the more the universe will bring
experiences that resonate with that bandwidth.

While I was lying there in the fierce cold in that cabin, I thought of Christopher McCandliss. I watched the movie “Into the Wild” about his choice to go into the wilderness of Alaska. Part of the reason, at least as I saw it, was that his family was in pain and dysfunction. He couldn’t be part of it and couldn’t relate to it.

I remembered the moment in the film when he wrote in his journal that happiness was only real if it was shared. As I lay there in the cold, I realized I was being shown something profound, though I still do not see it clearly.

If the universe supports me, regardless of how I make my decisions in life, how do I begin to make decisions from a different place than fear or dread? If happiness is only real when it’s shared, does the same truth apply to fear and dread?

The final irony is that, once I realized I could not outrun the devil (in this case, the chicken houses) I just decided to stay through the cleaning and deal with it. Miraculously, there was no smell at all. How can that be, I still wonder…..

And I also wonder….if I didn’t dread or fear any potential situation in my life, would everything be ok? Is it my own dwelling on negative potential that calls it to me?

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