No roles, goals or dreams left
When You’ve Been There and Done That, What’s Next?
Copyright, Neva J. Howell
I was speaking with a friend about the depth of sadness and loneliness that overtakes me now. I find myself without the comfort of any previously enjoyed role, goal or dream. What dreams I had, at least of a third-dimensional nature having to do with earth time and earth life, have been pursued and dropped, one by one.
The roles I’ve held in my life have also dropped away. I still fulfill the shell of a role in writing as I’m doing here and occasionally answering the call to stand in the position of healing facilitator for someone who still needs that paradigm. I also still slip into the family roles that fit so well in the fast but now they feel like costumes that don’t fit the play.
And as far as goals go, I have none that ignite passion. Those I do have, I move toward with little enthusiasm. You know, the typical earth existence roles of paying the bills, being productive, etc.
Looking at those who still have the loftiest goals….people like the 15,000 dancers in Bejing who trained for 8 months to perform in the Olympics Opening Ceremony…..I ponder what has been achieved? And at what cost?
Is training for 8 months and spending enough money to feed a small country for months, to produce one truly unforgettable human drama better than sitting still under a Bodhi tree or hanging on a cross? What does it all mean?
I don’t think I can see what it means until I disconnect completely from the existing structure. There’s something on the other side of all this experience we are choosing…..I can’t see it but I know it’s there.
I know there is a place called home and it isn’t earth, or anywhere really. It’s within the vast universe that is I AM.