The Suicide of Internal Chaos

Healthy Choices for Healing Emotional Issues: – A Wonderful Medicine Dream Example
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Medicine Dream: The Suicide of Internal Chaos
What is a Medicine Dream?

I LOVE this dream that someone submitted to me recently. It is so full of spiritual medicine for this person, who was stuggling with shadow side impulses and thoughts. After asking for dreamtime guidance as I suggested in my free MLV ebook, this dream came….

Dream Interpretation Questions:
I was committing a suicide called “Internal Chaos.” It had something to do with voluntarily not being able to eliminate and consuming some kind of drink that in the end would kill me. Or something along those lines.

It’s pretty vague how it was supposed to work, but it was very disturbing. I remember strangeness taking place in my body and my mentality, and a very strange essence in my overall dream, but I was trying to face the fear of death throughout my whole dream.

In some point there was a sense of very disturbing sexual exploitation taking place involving me, but I dont really remember how. It had something to do with what was going on in my body, which was in internal chaos, as if the process was of some sick and homicidal sexual appeal, and some guy, wanting me to do the same thing to him.

He opened his legs to me and I said “No it’s not your turn,” thinking to myself that he just didn’t understand.


The whole internal chaos thing may have started as me being a victim of his very sick and sexual way of killing me, but I accepted it took it as a way to face death in peace. Actually, I’m pretty sure it was.

I think that just as the dream progressed, I accepted it as a suicide because the man and the sexuality wasn’t part of all of it.

At some points in my dream I was thinking “why is this happening, and why am I not going to the hospital to just end it.”

At another point I was in my friends room and we were wondering when I was finally gunna die. We looked it up online and everything as if it was normal.

She said, “I hope it doesn’t happen while you’re on the plane.” and I thought, “f**k, I forgot about going on the plane.”

So then I panicked about dying, hoping I could be at peace during my time of death. I began to write a letter to my friends and family, stated specifically that way.

With a trembling hand and an incapability to spell write (I kept crossing things out and spelling it over) I wrote “To my friends and family, i love you very much but this is for a reason. when I’m gone, please just let go. How else will my soul rest? Blessings and Believe.”

I remember writing the letter most vividly and how hard it was to write and spell, especially the word believe. over and over again i spelled it wrong. And that’s all I could remember.

Is it strange for the Divine to help one in such an eerie way?

Healing Facilitation Response:
Copyright, Neva J. Howell, all rights reserved

People almost always look at me strangely when they see the glee in my eyes at hearing such a dream. It’s a wonderful dream, full of rich and potent medicine. Only you can know for sure what it is helping you address. I can give some pointers to explore.

One thing that jumps out at me was the you had trouble spelling the word believe in the end. Over and over, spelling it wrong.

Also, that you were specifically going to die from Internal Chaos, not from the hand of anyone outside yourself. Even the man in the dream, which may represent your male self or some actual man who has been abusive to you in this life or some other, was not going to kill you really….at some point you realized that you just were trying to face death in peace.

Death, in my own dreams, almost always points to some type of ego death. I have had dreams that warned me about my health and those were easy to spot because I was not well when I had them. Otherwise, I assume an ego death is in progress.

Anything dealing with elimination speaks of letting go of old crap, to be blunt. Releasing what no longer serves us. It may also point to colon health issues. If so, you probably know you have them. If you know you have chronic constipation or other colon problems, the dream could be telling you that your health has reached a point where you are at risk if you don’t change the behaviors or attend to your colon care, diet, stress levels, etc. better.

I don’t necessarily associate sexual information in dreams as literally sexual. Sometimes it is, other times it represents an identity or self-care issue. Dreams about Sex

Many times, a male in a dream will represent your own masculine self.

Looking at your history of relationships can tell you if this male actually represents your current life choices up til now. If you tend to choose abusive men who also want to be abused, then it could be a literal message that it’s time to let go of that, release the pattern, eliminate the crap.

Lots to work with. I’d suggest asking for more information on the dream when you meditate and before going to sleep for a few nights.

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