Remembering an Angel
Related: Fighting Demons
by Neva J. Howell unless otherwise noted
Angels Among Us
When I lived in California the second time, I met an amazing woman. I had gone into a massage school in Glendale, to get a student facial. She burst into my view like a force of nature, and took me over. This woman, shining bright as the sun, gave me a wonderful facial and then talked to me about my hair. She proceeded to create a unique hair color for me.
She came to me when I was fighting many personal demons. She was fighting too. I didn’t know how hard.
This earthen angel taught me how to move to life in a freer way. One example had to do with dancing. She taught me to dance with the fast beat of the song, rather than the rhythm line.
It was magical. It changed everything. I remember it well. We were dancing to a Madonna song. She suggested mixing it up. She asked if I heard the other beat? I didn’t. She started dancing to it. Wow. It changed everything. There’s another beat? I can choose to move thru the rhythms of life differently? And then, from there, I can create my own beat, my own dance with life, outside the structure of whatever dance any other has created?
I remember going over to my friend’s apartment after work one day. I was just stopping by, just to hang out. When I walked in, I saw that she had set up a gorgeous snack table between two chairs in her living room. She had her finest crystal goblets and china and, as I recall, even a fresh flower on the table,, as well as delicious snacks.
I asked “What’s all this. It’s just me.”
I’m paraphrasing her reply but it was something to the effect that I was worth the best. For her, friendship was golden and to be nurtured, treasured, valued.
I loved her so much. And when she ended her life, I wailed into the universe …. why?
But I knew why. Abuse. Abuse that she couldn’t remove from her dna, her cellular memory, her sense of herself. Despite all that she gave me, I was unable to help her with that because I had my own abuse festering up to the surface. I’m sorry, Forgive me, beloved one. Thank you so much for all you gave.
I knew the moment this particular Angel left form. In fact, she came to me in the most amazing way. I was sitting in a chair, at a salon, getting my hair cut and colored. I had my eyes closed and suddenly felt familiar hands in my hair, like I had felt so many times in Californa. I could almost hear that inimitable burst of a laugh too. Then, almost instantly, I got very dizzy and fell halfway out of the chair. Later on, in talking with my friend’s husband, he confirmed that her estimated time of death was the same time and day I was sitting in that chair.
Decades after Mary passed, I found myself at a pretty hopeless impasse. I felt totally without support in my life. As I walked around to get in my old rickety car, I looked down at the ground.
Just there, just where my foot would have stepped, there lay a greeting card.
It said, simply, “I am thinking of you.”
I don’t know how I knew it was from Mary except that I felt her energy so strong I half-expected her to materialize. But, I know it was and even from beyond her brief and magical stay on earth, she continues to grace my life.