Abundance Evades in the Presence of a Conflicting Belief or Practice
Suggested Reading: Creating an Abundant Life
by N J Howell unless otherwise noted
A Huge Lesson in Going with the Flow
I received financial aid to return to college this summer. I took the step for several reasons, one being the awareness that the hiring practices and job requirements for any position I would have normally applied for had drastically changed since I left the job market to become self-employed. I also felt I needed to experience a shift in my life and felt that learning new skills might open some new avenues of awareness.
In any case, when I went to register I literally had only three options left due to being late to sign up. Two were fun classes that held energy for me. The remaining option was a class I would never have taken by choice. It was “Introduction to the Old Testament”. I cringed when I thought of having to revisit all that blood and gore and war and sacrifice and patriarchal rules and demeaning treatment of women and ….
If I had been going with the flow of the moment, I would have let that class go because there was no flow in it for me. I would not have taken it. I took it because, otherwise, I would only get 1/2 of my grant money. This was a self-sabotage move and contrary to creating true abundance.
Result? First of all, despite the course description that clearly stated the material would be taught from a nonsectarian point of view and not supporting any particular religious group, it was obvious from the first class that the message was fundamental Christian.
Second, my google adsense earnings dropped to almost zero for the first time in over a decade. Self-adjusted income ceiling.
Bear with me, I’ll come back to this. Just remember, I was making in adsense earnings about what I would get back from my grant for one college course.
What I’ve learned the hard way, and apparently have not learned well enough to make a different choice yet, is that any attempt to change my financial state through logic alone, through left-brain activity apart from the heart, results in an adjustment to income somewhere else so that I stay right where I was, regardless of what I do.
This may be something I created, to keep me from creating abundance any other way than from my heart. However, I’ve seen it in other people’s lives as well. Someone will work overtime for three months to get ahead, only to have the car break down and take exactly the amount of overtime money they earned. Someone will take on an extra job they hate, out of a vibration of fear or lack, and end up losing their wallet on the subway or having a family member need exactly the extra income the extra job paid.
I’ve seen the pattern. So, back to my situation. OK. I took the extra class because I wanted to get back that $300 from my grant. OK. Now, my adsense earnings have dropped that same amount. If I do not do a correction in my energy field, I’ll end up losing almost exactly what I will gain from the grant, putting me right where I was before.
My spiritual task of the moment is to honor the flow of life and move with that and release the tendency to make decisions based on perceived financial need, feelings of lack, or fear of being broke.