I seem stuck on meaning
by Neva J. Howell unless otherwise noted
What is the Meaning of it all?
Lately, I’ve been deeply preoccupied with the meaning of life. Not just life, in general, but my life, specifically speaking. What the hell am I doing here? Why am I here? What is this time spent on the little blue ball supposed to add up to in the end?
I don’t have answers so if you came here looking for them, sorry!
I’ve been stimulated, at an ego level, by some outer work recognition lately. Even at the basest level of me, I know that’s not what it’s all about but why does it feel so good?
Why do I want more, and more, and more?
And why do I ask why? I’ve realized the folly of the question more than once in this present incarnation but yet, I still seem to come round again to asking why?
I have this pervasive sense that there are a certain amount of very clearly recognized criteria that would, for me, represent a good life. I want to live where water is clean, air is clean and food is clean. However, the bigger picture is that there are soooooo many others, willing to live in unclean air, eat unclean food, drink unclean water to have this or that thing.
I often fantasize that I have my tiny home on a few acres of clean land, in an area where people respect the land. I fantasize that I am living an abundant life doing what I love. I see myself in this reality … and yet … the reality I keep waking up to is not that. Not really anywhere near that.
Is it pure fantasy? Is it unrealistic on every earth-level to expect to have this?
And if it is pure fantasy, can I let the fantasy go and, like the majority of those I see around me, be ok with bad water, bad food and bad air?