Learning to wait instead of initiating
Unless otherwise noted, all content Copyright, Neva J. Howell
My Human Design Challenges
For the past couple of years, I’ve been studying something called Human Design. Put simply (though it’s not really a simple collection of information) the theory is that we all made choices prior to incarnation.
According to human design, we decided beforehand how we wanted to experience this life. We choose certain qualities that would allow us to function at our optimal. My design profile within this system of information is 6/3 Generator with sacral response/spleen defined. Environment: Wet Kitchens. Left Angle Cross of Alignment (28/27 | 33/19)
Of course, if you are unfamiliar with human design, that will all sound like gibberish. I’d recommend getting a free human design chart to start with and if you like what you read, explore more. There’s lots of info online.
Personally, I didn’t care about human design until I read my own chart. It was eerie, how accurate it was. I wanted to know more about having a 6/3 Generator profile and I have not been disappointed in exploring more.
In the most basic terms, Generators are designed to respond. Until there is something to respond to, they are designed to wait. Boy, did that ever rub me the wrong way.
Yet, when I looked back on a lifetime of pushing ahead and initiating, I saw that it had been a lifetime of frustration. Since frustration is the sign that a Generator is in the “not self” space or not acting in alignment with their own design, this coulda made me feel pretty hopeless to realize I’d spent over 50 years living outside my design.
In fact, initially, I didn’t see a lot to be happy about in my design. But then, I realized the worst was over. I’d gone through the two most challenging trial and error phases, I’d survived Chiron, Saturn Return and Second Saturn return.
My life had been tremendously hard (Ra said it was important to know that when you meet a 6/3 you’re meeting a crash victim) and I almost lost my life more than once to illness from living not self so much.
I hang on to the roof too, til my fingers were figuratively bleeding. Even at 62, I still try to go back up there periodically but I understand the difference. I don’t live up there any more but when something bumps into me, I have learned it is correct to retreat.
I’ve learned to protect my own health. I practice more stringent hygiene than most and I understand, truly know in my gut, that it is vital for me to take extra measures to stay healthy.
I also take extra measures to protect my emotional and mental health. Both those centers are open in my design and subject to conditioning and influence by others who have them defined.
I’ve learned that if I become emotional out of the blue, for no reason, to look around. It’s not mine.
Same with mental thoughts that just pop up and are uncharacteristic or out of place with my body response to a situation. Not mine.
It is part of my design to make and break bonds. To come and to go. Finding friends that can understand that has been extremely hard but not impossible.
With family, even, there is finally an understanding and trust that if I go, that is what’s right for me at the moment and when I come back, it will be because it is again right to be with them.