My Spiritual Journey

About My Awakening Journey and Spiritual Work:

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by Neva J. Howell unless otherwise noted

About the Author of the Wellness Blog

I AM Neva. My path of healing has been a relentless, continual journey through some pretty tough creations and co-creations of imbalance.

I came into this lifetime with what I believed to be a fairly lofty life mission, to help people heal. It is a life mission that has felt more and more like ego bait as I’ve traveled it, a soul level set-up, intended to send me thru a path that would teach me what I was NOT.

Born into an environment that was dominated by poverty, alcoholism and abuse, I nonetheless saw so much Light that it blinded me.

I couldn’t find a way to reconcile my day-to-day darkness and pain with the Light that I saw smack dab in the middle of it all. Nor did I know what to do with the imagery I saw.

The dark syrupy energy I saw inside the body when people were ill (physically, mentally or emotionally) was confusing to me and I had no idea that I could help with that kind of situation.

Because my mind couldn’t understand what it was sensing, I did what many, many children in chaotic environments do …. I shut down the part of myself that knew what was True. I stopped seeing the Light in the middle of the madness, and just accepted the madness as my life.

Light Rushes in Again
I was 28, that magical year for many spiritual beings, when the Light started pushing its way back into my vision. At first, I was horrified and did everything I could to keep it from coming back because, to have it there, meant a divided mind that might lead to insanity. If the Light existed, how could the pain and suffering have happened and continued to happen for so many years?

I distracted myself through all the common avenues of distraction youth can find, from alcohol to mild drug abuse to sex to money. All worked for a while; none worked indefinitely.

Even though I could not embrace the Light fully, I began to study healing in every way that I could find to study it. I studied herbology, aromatherapy, homeopathy, nutrition, energetic healing, reflexology and other alternative energy medicine approaches to healing.

I also looked at traditional medicine and considered training in that arena but there was just something fundamentally out of alignment with my Truth there. I had put bandaids on my own wounded heart all of my life so I recognized the futility of treating symptoms instead of cause. To me, this is what allopathic medicine mostly does….treats or controls symptoms.


A Spiritual Reawakening

During this journey of holistic education and exploration of energy medicine, I slowly begin to reawaken as a spiritual being. The vibrational frequencies associated with all the healing modalities I was studying had it’s effect on my own energy field and there came the day when forgetting who I AM was no longer an option. I awakened again to the Light and Truth of why I AM here on earth.

The Light has not been extinguished again since that time and even though I continue to have human struggles and human challenges, I have become steadfast in Higher Frequency and solid enough within Higher Awareness to offer substantial service to others on The Path.

That is my spiritual work at this time…both online and off. Online, I strive to provide health-oriented and spiritually-based information that will be genuinely of use to those who, as I did, desire to reawaken more and more to the Divinity within and align more and more to the I AM inside.

The most effective healing I have experienced in my own life happened either alone, in prayer and meditation, or in the hands of a healing facilitator who knew how to get out of the way and let the energy work.

I was being trained, even as I my mind, emotions and body were healing, because I remember being acutely aware of what the energy was doing and how the facilitators were working with it, and with me. There was almost a computer-like behavior in some part of my brain that recorded information, even while the entire rest of me was deeply involved in my own healing, releasing and restoring process.

The times that I chose healers who were ego-based and wanting a particular outcome for me, rather than waiting patiently to see what level of healing I could embrace, were the times that taught me the most.

Those healers gave me such a gift because I could feel, in my own soul and body, how counter-productive any kind of “energetic push” or preconceived opinion about what should happen was. I could feel ripples of resistance and even pain within as this outer force attempted to bring me to a place I could not yet inhabit.

It has been a primary goal of mine to avoid counter-productive energy medicine in my own practice. Although there are definitely times when releasing a painful trauma is not easy, it should never feel forced or happen before the structure is in place within the person for supporting a new paradigm.

I strive to wait patiently and let each person decide the level of healing they are willing to embrace. I strive to do this, even when I can clearly see what the obstacle or block is, and how it will increase pain and suffering for the person if not released.

I consider this patience and willingness to allow people to keep their pain, to be my biggest test of unconditional love. There have been times when I knew, absolutely knew, that keeping their pain would result in a person’s death. These are the hardest times to be patient and to allow. However, I can do no less without reducing a sovereign master to the level of a helpless child.

7 thoughts on “My Spiritual Journey

  1. Hi, Neva. Thank you for letting me inquire here. I’d like to ask a couple of questions.
    1. What is the Light, and how did you find out about it?
    2. What is the Path?
    3. What is the Divinity within?
    4. What is meant by “I AM”?
    I am new to this and would like to understand better. Thank you!

  2. Steve:

    Wow, great questions. Exploring them has taken up a good bit of linear time in my own life. I’m probably just going to get to one of them today ….

    1. OK, what is light? I remember, at a very early age, being aware of the energy field around everything that lived. I noticed it with my cats. I’d play with them, out in the field, dragging a piece of grain across the ground and watching in delightful flow of the moment as they’d try to catch it. I saw something … a difference … around their body. I didn’t call it “Light” at the time. I just noticed that, whatever it was, it made me feel more alive to witness it.

    It bears noting that my childhood had a lot of what would be called “darkness”. There was alcoholism, poverty, abuse. I remember, at the age of 4 or 5, being able to look inside a person’s body. I could see that abuse and anger and other emotions looked like a dark, brown syrup inside a person. This is how it appeared to me. Others may have totally different experiences to relate. In any case, I came to understand there was a difference between the energy I saw around my cats and this dark, dense, syrupy energy I sometimes saw in the body. I would see this if there were terminal cancer, for example. I also saw it if there was abuse.

    For a long time, I thought, one is dark and the other is light and I want light. I didn’t realize, for the longest time, that they were different ends of the same spectrum. When I was finally able to see that my own humanity contained all colors of the spectrum, and to be ok with that, I began to heal a lot of my own past pain, woundedness and suffering.

    More later. Thanks.

  3. 2. What is the Path?

    That’s a term I heard for decades, once I had a spiritual awakening. To get “on the path” was the subject of many a lecture and workshop during that time in my life. Everyone was saying you must discover your Life Purpose, get on your spiritual path, learn why you are here and what you came here to do.

    For a long time, that is the reality I bonded with and pursued. Everything I did or thought or went through, I saw through this lens of “the path”. I figured every experience was either teaching me how to better stay on my path or find my path, or it was teaching me what my path was not. Either way, valuable training was happening. However, the value of it was only within the paradigm that said I had a specific, clearly delineated “path” and that I needed to “do” something to insure that I was on it. Outside of that belief system, it really didn’t add up to much, all this striving and seeking and trying to stay on my path.

    Somewhere along the way, and these things get very fuzzy over linear time, I began to recognize that every single experience I had ever had, in this lifetime or any other, was part of my path. That my path had to be the life I was living. It really didn’t matter if it felt like this grand vision or a humble plodding along through ego issues and struggle. Whatever I’m doing, whenever I’m doing it, has to be my path. Otherwise, I’d be doing something else.

    That was a very freeing moment. But I didn’t stay free long. The mind came to torture me … this can’t be your path, my mind said. The ego joined in “of course not, you were meant for such grander things”. I’ve learned to listen to all those voices without engaging. That’s the trick for me. Not to engage with the mind babble and the ego demands for attention.

    So, my path at this very moment in time, is to be typing this response to you. After that, we’ll see.

  4. Just posted that answer, Steve. Will get to the others as I find linear time to do so. Thanks so much, very interesting questions.

  5. 3. What is the Divinity Within?

    In my experience, there is a very human nature that my cells were born knowing about, that has enabled me to learn how to eat, how to walk, how to talk, how to survive in form. Co-existing at a cellular, organic level, I sense another enlivening of the cells, of the body, of the mind and of the Spirit that is not concerned with those things. Whether the body stays or goes, this will remain. For me, the Divinity Within speaks of that indefinable “something” that does not die, cannot die. It is also what sparks up from the heart that brings my human existence from the level of survival to thrival, from thoughtless wandering to thoughtful, mindful living, from focus on the form of things to remembrance of what is formless and eternal.

  6. 4. What is meant by “I AM”?

    I AM

    i am

    The same words … different perspective. i am is the personality self of me, the human aspect that struggles, worries, doubts, gets all hed up about this or that, tries to fix things, tries to act like it knows what’s best for me. The little self, the i am of me, can be useful for bringing me to points in my own evolution where I must choose to surrender or keep resisting what is. Every time I surrender, every time I choose letting go and letting God, the I AM of me can emerge for a moment.

    In the beginning was God. Period. So all that came after is also from that Source. The I AM of me is that Higher Aspect of soul that remembers where I came from, how I was breathed into being and how very loved I always AM.

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